Sunlight arising from the horizon builds anxiety in her. Trying to fix the scarf on her head every now and then, wondering how she couldn’t master it after years of experience. Her white t-shirt that is supposed to reflect heat seems to absorb it, or could it be just Khartoum being typical Khartoum.

She awkwardly stood few feet from the bus that just came as people hurried to get in while she feared the crowd. The hands that push others can sometimes get to places she doesn’t appreciate.  “Cecilia!” her classmate called her from inside the bus, beckoning for her to get in. She saved Cecilia a seat next to her. Cecilia sighing in gratitude for the fact that she didn’t have to fight her way inside.

“Thank you,” Cecilia mumbled. That was all they spoke on their way to school. One thing about Cecilia is that she didn’t know how to open conversations with girls like Wilma. She thought all they would talk about is clothing, makeup, boys, and she had little knowledge concerning each. She always admired how easy it was for most girls to actually be girls. Wilma turned on the screen of her phone, scrolling through apps, while Cecilia grabbed a book from her bag, a short story from the eighties. She was not a fan of it but she had no money to buy the ones her heart desires so she read whatever laid her hands on. She wondered if she had a phone herself would she be reading the book or using it.

They were late to school and were punished to stay out of class until breakfast. She hated everything that spotted her from the crowd, and coming late or punished was very much it. She walked her walk of shame to class, sitting behind her desk; she put her head on top of it, not long after her friend Amal interrupted.

“Our biology textbooks are back” Amal exclaimed referring to the textbooks their teacher took last week for marking.

“What did I get?” Cecilia asked.

“You carried the wrong textbook.”

“Aaghhh!!” Cecilia cried. “Can this day get any worse?”

“The teacher was looking for you too,” Amal thought it was the perfect time to show her that it can get worse.

“Why?” it caught Cecilia attention as she pushed her head up.

“Maybe because of the mistake you made” Amal shrugged making assumptions. “Though he will come back during the sixth period.”

“Great!!” Cecilia said sarcastically.

“You have a test on Saturday” the biology teacher announced, when Cecilia thought he forgot about her something reminded him of it before the class is over.

“But we have a debate on Saturday,” the monitor of the class said.

“The English debate?”

“Yes,” everyone in class said, in hope of postponing the test to next week.

“I heard your team is not complete,” the teacher said. “We‘re missing one person; the teacher said if no one volunteers he will reduce the members of the boy’s team.” The teacher smiled as if it was convenient for him.

“Where is the girl called Cecilia??” at the mention of her name, Cecilia raised her head up. Amal pointed a finger at her and the teacher looked her way before asking the monitor to add her to the team, the teacher ignored all signs of her disapproval and continued class.  After class Cecilia and Amal went to convince the teacher that she is not fit for the team, but all their attempts were bound to fail because teacher Peter made up his mind and he thinks she is more than qualified to join the team.

“You have a voice,” he said. Something Cecilia did not understand at the time. The thing about teacher Peter is that he used to be a lecturer in Upper Nile University before the conflict in South Sudan; he used to deal with grown-up students that understood hints beforehand, while Cecilia was just a High School student in Comboni College Khartoum. How can a quiet girl like her join a debate team?  It was made for the courageous, fearless people, who can stand in front of others and say their opinion carelessly and that’s not her.

Thursday was the rehearsal day. The two teams met to argue on the subject (boys are better than girls). Before doing it in front of the entire school on Saturday, the headmaster and the English teacher were present Cecilia performed poorly. She was nervous and barely able to utter words that made sense. The English teacher told her to sit after he ran out of patience. At that moment she felt discouraged and decided to quit it all. On the same day, they had an English-speaking class with an Italian woman who volunteered to give free classes to young girls. The woman heard about the debate so she thought its convenient for it to be the topic of the week.

Even though Cecilia was depressed because of the rehearsal she did not let it consume her thoughts during this class specifically, she admired the teaching of the Italian woman who spoke of topics like atheism, racism, and harassment against girls. The Woman wrote a word with missing letters and asked them to go up and complete it if anyone knows the name she wrote, it was M and two L with missing
letters between them, no one stood up, so she gave hints like “she was born in Pakistan and she is a smart girl” Cecilia usually wouldn’t raise her hand in class, but this time she did, the woman smiled at her and asked her to come up. She complete the word and it became MALALA, the Italian woman applauded and asked Cecilia how does she know Malala.

“I saw her on TV and read her book” she answered. It was true. After she saw the documentary about Malala‘s life she was curious to know more so she read the book online on her mother‘s phone. She went back to her seat but kept thinking about it. How could she have not seen it before?

On the day of debate, her friend knew her very well bet on her absence that day, so when Cecilia showed up she was more than surprised to see her come early, the headmaster and the English teacher came to escort the class of senor one and their team to the boy‘s section campus. Student after student walked up the stairs from both teams to argue about the reasons why their gender is better than the other.

Cecilia was the last on her team, and she was arguing against a boy who is believed to be the smartest of his class. The boy went up to lay his issue starting with “Girls are emotional, have physical limits and biological dilatory which make them not function in certain things….” The boy kept talking and talking. “All he is talking about are girls limitations, he didn’t even mention one thing to highlight what makes boys better, as if his whole argument is based on pointing out things that girls can’t do properly,” Cecilia thought to herself as she walked up the stairs for her turn.

“Ali…c..e pa..ul” Cecilia started but was nervous, as she looked around she saw teacher peter face. He smiled at her and waved with his hand urging her to go on. She inhaled and exhaled a deep breath before she continued.

“Alice Paul, Chimamanda Ngozi, Maya Angelo, Opera Winfrey, and Malala Yousafzai, these are women who stood up for gender equality, I don’t imagine them joining such debate about who is better than who.”

She cleared her throat. “So with all due respect to the headmaster and my teachers, this whole debate is pointless.” Loud laughter filled the place.

“We don’t have to prove that we are better so that we are given our rights. It’s our right to be equal with boys, actually the fact that you brought only one class from the girl‘s section to attend this debate while the entire boy‘s section is here is the best example of inequality” again few people laughed including the headmaster while others applauded.

“I learned from a book called Little Women that every girl has a right to be whoever they decide to be, a singer, a writer, or just a housewife, for God knows no one judges a man for being who they want to be, unlike women who are defined by their limitations,” she looked at the boy, who spoke before her dead in the eye as she attacked his concepts.

“Equality is all we need and want!” She said thank you in the end and walked down the stairs as the girls clapped their hands louder. Teacher Peter smiled at her as he remembered the line he read on the textbook she mistakenly gave for marking.

“I want to be more than just a good daughter, a caring sister, and an obedient wife; I want to have all that life can offer me!”

Author: Catherine Raphael